Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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