somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
