ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what day is it and did you see me today?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
