thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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