my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
