And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
