I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
