There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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