Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
