Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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