Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
