Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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