i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
