Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
