im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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