it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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