Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
id be glad to
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
