You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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