there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry about my life...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
