Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
