my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
