I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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