ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
