im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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