He is an equal opportunity slut.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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