Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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