after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
