Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
