dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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