No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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