the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize