Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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