I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
