we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
