They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Four minutes until I can fart!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
