So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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