The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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