my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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