but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
