whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
