I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
