I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
