allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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