last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
