You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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