she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
not ubering you a puppy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
