I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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