words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
