So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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