Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
