I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
