gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
