Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize