Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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