I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
