2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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