Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
