i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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