So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
