Sry I called you an 8
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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