pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
