there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
