You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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