True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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