If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
