It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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