she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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