i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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