So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
