I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
