i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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