We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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